Can I be queer?
I was talking to a young friend about marriage. By young I mean early 30s. She is in a long-term relationship with a man and they are both in a new relationship with a lesbian couple. I asked her how that was working out.
"It's working out great for everyone!" she said. In her circle it's not unusual. She and her friends do not believe in monogamy or the "old school" rendition of marriage where two people are committed to each other exclusively for life. She said she's not sure about marriage at all, but does envision being with her partner in some form for life.
I want to understand how that works. One of the key things in their circle is that everyone is committed to a very high level of communication. I know several of them, and I would give them all an A++ on how they communicate with each other. At least it appears that way from the outside. They go to communications workshops. They co-counsel each other. They strive for 100% honesty.
I asked, "What happens if you want to sleep with someone else and your partner is threatened by that person?" She said, "We talk about it before anything happens." There are rules. It sounds a little complicated and scary, and it's true that communication takes up a good deal of their time. But the five or six people that I've met in that circle seem happier than most other people I meet. They live near each other. They travel together or separately. They do large art projects together. They are involved in community service together, often in an effort to help other young people become better communicators.
The people in this circle identify as queer. By queer I think they mean this definition: "A political statement, as well as a sexual orientation, which advocates breaking binary thinking and seeing both sexual orientation and gender identity as potentially fluid."
It's pretty forward thinking. Makes me feel kind of old. Is it too late for me to be queer? Do I have enough time?
"It's working out great for everyone!" she said. In her circle it's not unusual. She and her friends do not believe in monogamy or the "old school" rendition of marriage where two people are committed to each other exclusively for life. She said she's not sure about marriage at all, but does envision being with her partner in some form for life.
I want to understand how that works. One of the key things in their circle is that everyone is committed to a very high level of communication. I know several of them, and I would give them all an A++ on how they communicate with each other. At least it appears that way from the outside. They go to communications workshops. They co-counsel each other. They strive for 100% honesty.
I asked, "What happens if you want to sleep with someone else and your partner is threatened by that person?" She said, "We talk about it before anything happens." There are rules. It sounds a little complicated and scary, and it's true that communication takes up a good deal of their time. But the five or six people that I've met in that circle seem happier than most other people I meet. They live near each other. They travel together or separately. They do large art projects together. They are involved in community service together, often in an effort to help other young people become better communicators.
The people in this circle identify as queer. By queer I think they mean this definition: "A political statement, as well as a sexual orientation, which advocates breaking binary thinking and seeing both sexual orientation and gender identity as potentially fluid."
It's pretty forward thinking. Makes me feel kind of old. Is it too late for me to be queer? Do I have enough time?