Lovers again
Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. Deciding to be lovers again is such a bold move. I still wonder if it's possible.
I wonder what it takes for a person to make such a transition from wife to lover. A person like me, who is so programmed to please others, but also, I have to admit, so programmed to manipulate the lives of others from behind the curtain: how does one strip away fifty years of behavior patterns?
I don't know the answer.
To let go of the role of caretaker is to give up control.
To let go of the wife and mother who places everyone else's needs first...AND to let go of the reins and see what happens...requires tremendous faith. Faith that each person can take care of him/herself.
Beyond faith, for someone like me, it takes a core strength to take care of oneself. I'm great at taking care of everyone else and making their lives work. To refocus one's attention on one's own life requires way more strength than supporting a family...for me.
Even as I declare my desire to make this change, I see how hard it is. How deep and old the patterns are. Even though I do know how to be a lover, too.
I draw strength from you, reader. Thank you.
I wonder what it takes for a person to make such a transition from wife to lover. A person like me, who is so programmed to please others, but also, I have to admit, so programmed to manipulate the lives of others from behind the curtain: how does one strip away fifty years of behavior patterns?
I don't know the answer.
To let go of the role of caretaker is to give up control.
To let go of the wife and mother who places everyone else's needs first...AND to let go of the reins and see what happens...requires tremendous faith. Faith that each person can take care of him/herself.
Beyond faith, for someone like me, it takes a core strength to take care of oneself. I'm great at taking care of everyone else and making their lives work. To refocus one's attention on one's own life requires way more strength than supporting a family...for me.
Even as I declare my desire to make this change, I see how hard it is. How deep and old the patterns are. Even though I do know how to be a lover, too.
I draw strength from you, reader. Thank you.